As
I put the editing touches on Monday morning’s blog (last week), I very clearly
sensed a nudge to write “the rest of the story.” I have to say it’s not a pretty picture of my desire to be
more focused on every man, but it’s
real, and it’s me…it’s who I am.
So, here’s the rest of the story…
I put the editing touches on Monday morning’s blog (last week), I very clearly
sensed a nudge to write “the rest of the story.” I have to say it’s not a pretty picture of my desire to be
more focused on every man, but it’s
real, and it’s me…it’s who I am.
So, here’s the rest of the story…
It
was a rare afternoon, where I was alone in our Phoenix apartment. I decided to
spend a little time reading a novel I had picked up over the holidays. I was all caught up on housework, the
checkbooks were balanced, and the usual things that hang over my head on my
to-do list were complete, so I cuddled down in my bed to read. That’s when I heard a knock on my front
door. My initial thought was to
ignore the knock and pretend I wasn’t there… However, with the apartment on a
college campus, my second thought was that there might be an emergency. So, I grudgingly got up and answered
the door.
was a rare afternoon, where I was alone in our Phoenix apartment. I decided to
spend a little time reading a novel I had picked up over the holidays. I was all caught up on housework, the
checkbooks were balanced, and the usual things that hang over my head on my
to-do list were complete, so I cuddled down in my bed to read. That’s when I heard a knock on my front
door. My initial thought was to
ignore the knock and pretend I wasn’t there… However, with the apartment on a
college campus, my second thought was that there might be an emergency. So, I grudgingly got up and answered
the door.
I
expected to look into the eyes of a student, or one of my co-workers…but no one
stood across from me. That’s when
my eyes traveled down, and I took in the upward eager face of little just-turned-six-year-old Mordecai from across the yard.
expected to look into the eyes of a student, or one of my co-workers…but no one
stood across from me. That’s when
my eyes traveled down, and I took in the upward eager face of little just-turned-six-year-old Mordecai from across the yard.
“Hey,
Mordecai, what can I do for you?”
Mordecai, what can I do for you?”
“Hi
Peg, I was wondering if I could come work with you and help you, you know, do
some house work, or something.”
Peg, I was wondering if I could come work with you and help you, you know, do
some house work, or something.”
What
does one say to that? Especially
when the eyes are huge, and sweet, and innocent, and…did I say, eager? I could see his mom watching from the
door of her apartment. It was one
of those moments where I felt an immediate war inside of me. I should invite
him in and do something with him.
I didn’t have “work” to do, but I could play with him. I should give
Mordecai’s mom a break from one of her four boys. I should be a good neighbor and do the right thing. But, the truth was, I didn’t want to do
the right thing. I wanted some
me-time. I wanted to snuggle back
down in my bed and read. So,
that’s what I told him. I was
honest…
does one say to that? Especially
when the eyes are huge, and sweet, and innocent, and…did I say, eager? I could see his mom watching from the
door of her apartment. It was one
of those moments where I felt an immediate war inside of me. I should invite
him in and do something with him.
I didn’t have “work” to do, but I could play with him. I should give
Mordecai’s mom a break from one of her four boys. I should be a good neighbor and do the right thing. But, the truth was, I didn’t want to do
the right thing. I wanted some
me-time. I wanted to snuggle back
down in my bed and read. So,
that’s what I told him. I was
honest…
“I
don’t really have any work today, Cai (I said it as sweetly as I could)…I
finished my work (I felt guilty saying it, as I know his mom never catches up
with her work, not with four little boys under six). I’m taking some time this afternoon to rest. I was just lying down on my bed with a
book. I’ll catch you another
time. Thanks for thinking of me,
though.”
don’t really have any work today, Cai (I said it as sweetly as I could)…I
finished my work (I felt guilty saying it, as I know his mom never catches up
with her work, not with four little boys under six). I’m taking some time this afternoon to rest. I was just lying down on my bed with a
book. I’ll catch you another
time. Thanks for thinking of me,
though.”
With
that his little eyes clouded over with disappointment, he headed home, and I
shut the door. Jerk-moment. As I sat back on my bed, I remembered
the blog I had written that morning.
Every man. Wasn’t Mordecai an every man? In my selfishness, I had missed an every man moment and the words of the Apostle Paul weren’t even
hours-old in my soul. I had prayed
to be more focused. An opportunity
had knocked, and I had missed the opportunity. I was thinking hours, but it could have been simply minutes
with an every man that could have had
an eternal, memory-making impact.
that his little eyes clouded over with disappointment, he headed home, and I
shut the door. Jerk-moment. As I sat back on my bed, I remembered
the blog I had written that morning.
Every man. Wasn’t Mordecai an every man? In my selfishness, I had missed an every man moment and the words of the Apostle Paul weren’t even
hours-old in my soul. I had prayed
to be more focused. An opportunity
had knocked, and I had missed the opportunity. I was thinking hours, but it could have been simply minutes
with an every man that could have had
an eternal, memory-making impact.
Here’s
what I took away. My morning
prayer to be more Paul-like-Jesus-like was honest. I was sincere.
That new resolve was much like purchasing a new car. At the moment the resolve was new, I
wanted to keep it fresh, and clean, and free from dents or dings. There was a little sense of anguish over
the moment when I wouldn’t get it right…when I would scratch the surface of the
“new.” We all know it’s going to
happen. I just didn’t expect it to
happen so soon…
what I took away. My morning
prayer to be more Paul-like-Jesus-like was honest. I was sincere.
That new resolve was much like purchasing a new car. At the moment the resolve was new, I
wanted to keep it fresh, and clean, and free from dents or dings. There was a little sense of anguish over
the moment when I wouldn’t get it right…when I would scratch the surface of the
“new.” We all know it’s going to
happen. I just didn’t expect it to
happen so soon…
The
truth is life (and every resolve we make in life), like the new car, is going
to get scratches. It’s going to
get dents…sometimes they will be BIG ONES. My life song will sometimes be played with sour notes. When it happens, it doesn’t make me a
failure, just a learner. I’m still
in training. I’m still a Christian
– a little Christ (emphasis on “little”).
Like John the Baptist, I realize that he must increase and I must
decrease, but this is a process.
truth is life (and every resolve we make in life), like the new car, is going
to get scratches. It’s going to
get dents…sometimes they will be BIG ONES. My life song will sometimes be played with sour notes. When it happens, it doesn’t make me a
failure, just a learner. I’m still
in training. I’m still a Christian
– a little Christ (emphasis on “little”).
Like John the Baptist, I realize that he must increase and I must
decrease, but this is a process.
There
is a shop on the island of Oahu where they have a multitude of gear with their
copyrighted logo: HE > I. This
is the journey I am on. I’ll
receive new truths, pray a prayer, seek to get it right, take a step in the
right direction, make a mistake, wallow in my own selfishness, fall down, but
not quit. Never quit. Stay steadfast. Persevere. Get it right once, maybe twice. Fall again.
Pray again. Keep going. Three steps forward, one back. It’s still progress, and HE is still in
the process of increasing in me, becoming > I. That’s the good news.
is a shop on the island of Oahu where they have a multitude of gear with their
copyrighted logo: HE > I. This
is the journey I am on. I’ll
receive new truths, pray a prayer, seek to get it right, take a step in the
right direction, make a mistake, wallow in my own selfishness, fall down, but
not quit. Never quit. Stay steadfast. Persevere. Get it right once, maybe twice. Fall again.
Pray again. Keep going. Three steps forward, one back. It’s still progress, and HE is still in
the process of increasing in me, becoming > I. That’s the good news.
Now, may the
God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound
in hope, by the power of the Holy Spirit.
God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound
in hope, by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Romans 15:13
