Let’s just jump in, since this is a continuation from last week…the what else in the what next! Here’s my second default: Not only do I tend to coast, I’m also prone to wallowing. That word sounds better than to admit I can easily fall into self-pity; and, it certainly is a better word than calling self-pity what it really is: a victim mentality. However, I’ve been known to go there. It’s a terrible place to be; and it is just so…so…so…self-defeating! There’s a lot of “self” in self-pity. When self is at the controls, life can start to quickly spin right back out of control…
This week I was directed to a couple of good blogs on self-pity. I’ll give you the links here, because there’s really no sense in me repeating the lessons I learned from this particular writer, when you can read them for yourself. They are both fairly short, and I invite you to peruse them:
Why Self-Pity is Ruining Your Life
What Self-Pity is Costing You
Both these blogs focus on the why we shouldn’t wallow. I want to focus on the practical get-out-of-the-muck-so-I-am-no-longer-stuck thoughts. However, first, maybe we should define self-pity. It looks like what Adam & Eve did in the garden. Self-pity hides and points fingers. Self-pity needs someone else to blame for why my life didn’t go as I expected, hoped, or wanted. That, unfortunately, is life. There are two better biblical examples to look at if I REALLY WANT to be unstuck (keep in mind that some of us rather enjoy the pity-party we throw for ourselves, and we REALLY like inviting others to join us and give us the attention we so rightly-believe-we-deserve). So, my first question is: Do I really want out of this place of stuck?
Now then…if I want to move forward and quit recycling the hard in my brain, I ought to look at the lives of Joseph and Apostle Paul. If anybody had the right to feel sorry for themselves, these men did. Listen to their laundry list. Joseph: My brother’s hated me; I had to endure their constant mocking; they never believed me; they always picked on me; they never included me; they rejected me; they plotted ways to get rid of me; ultimately, they threw me in a pit, sold me into slavery, and sent me into a foreign country (where I knew nobody, and even had to learn a new language). Then there was my master’s wife – she constantly tempted me; she despised me when I wouldn’t give in; she set me up, had me sent to prison. Prison – I was treated worse than an animal; talk about horrible food; no privacy; no warm showers; it was all I could do to make it to the next day… That was Joseph’s life. However, we never read these words in his story. He never wallows. He just gives the facts. Then Paul: beaten with rods, stoned, shipwrecked, in danger, danger, and more danger everywhere I went; I’ve been imprisoned, beaten more times than I can count, frequently faced death, and five times (FIVE TIMES) I was given the thirty-nine lashes and survived. This, not counting, the daily pressure upon me of concern for all the churches… Again, never a hint of a victim mentality, he simply tells the facts of his story.
What was the key these men held? Here’s what I’ve learned personally. THEY SAW THE BIGGER PICTURE!
They knew God had designed them, chosen them, called them, and set them apart for a mission greater than their problems. Joseph’s words, “God sent me here with purpose (Genesis 45:5 & 7).” Paul’s words, “Now, I want you to know, brethren, that my circumstances have turned out for the greater progress of the gospel… (Philippians 1:12).”
They trusted God in spite of their hardship, knowing “in the fulness of time,” God’s plans would prevail (Proverbs 19:21).
For both, in their own way, the Lord allowed them to see “Manasseh and Ephraim” (Joseph’s sons, aptly named). God graciously let them forget the hard (of course, they didn’t forget forget; God helped them not to dwell on the difficulty) – Manasseh. Secondly, God allowed them to see fruitfulness even in the land of their affliction – Ephraim. In the middle of the tough stuff, they found a ministry to others as they lived lives of integrity, responsibility, and hope.
So, new perspectacles for “after the hard” in the what next. When tempted to wallow, act like a victim, I choose to remember 1) God’s plan is always greater than my suffering, 2) I am on a mission with God, 3) His mission can’t be accomplished when I’m stuck, 4) I make a mental note to not dwell on the difficult, and 5) I take advantage of every little minute God gives me to be His hands & feet.
Here’s the one BEST take away from the two blogs I linked above (thank you, Don Miller). It summarizes well, the lessons I learn from the lives of Joseph and Paul:
