Too much luggage!

The journey of LIFE: this has been my theme over the past
several weeks. Not unusual, since I spent slightly over two weeks traveling to
Tanzania and back for ministry. There are a lot of similarities between
traveling overseas (well, anywhere for that matter) and life. Surprisingly, so!

Yet another similarity: baggage. I’ve been thinking about “baggage” off and on
ever since I found this claim ticket stuck in my journal. 

Oh that I had only
carried one piece of luggage, but I didn’t. It took four pieces to get me to
Dar es Salaam – each one packed to the limit the airline would accept. 

This meant I hauled two “legal” carry-on
pieces through six airports. It’s no wonder my shoulders ached and my lower
back was knotted up when, at last, I finally arrived (not to mention the fact I
was a little tired and cranky). In this
case, I needed almost all that I took as I was carrying gifts for missionaries,
books to give away, the handouts for my speaking sessions, etc. However, as
usual, I over-packed and took more than I personally needed. The return was
better, since I’d dumped off all the extra stuff, but then I’d done a little
bit of Christmas shopping in the markets. It’s always been my goal to simplify
packing (and I’ve returned more resolved than ever to meet that goal), to
eliminate the unnecessary. I’m
determined to forever forward pack as lightly as is humanly possible! #iwilllearntosimplify

The same is true in life. I tend to carry unnecessary
baggage. Stuff I don’t need to haul around, nor want to haul around, but for
some reason, yank from place to place with me. It gets heavy. It causes no
small amount of pain. It’s cumbersome and awkward, and affects my attitude, and
I imagine, though I try to deny it, my behavior. The one I really need to learn
to lay down, and never pick up, is a backpack filled with shame. I’ve written about it before, many times.
It’s a common, unnecessary, unwanted, painfully heavy emotion I stuff in my
carry-on regularly. Yuck!

I don’t know what made me stick this baggage claim in my
journal this week. Nevertheless, I did, and as I started
whining about how much I tend to over pack, I realized the above. It was good
for me to ponder. Here’s what I discovered.

I’d been given a job to do during the week (God-directed).

I followed through and did what I was supposed to do.

However, I didn’t meet my expectations.

I was less than perfect.

I felt inadequate.
That made me nervous.

I wondered what other’s thought about my incompetence.

That mattered to me.

I was sure they were thinking “LOSER,” like a big “L” was stamped
on my forehead.
That made me more nervous.

I was a failure in my eyes, their eyes, and undoubtedly, God’s
eyes.

Now, even God knew I was a failure, and was probably
thinking, “How can I ever use her as a vessel-for-ministry eVeR AgAiN!

I hauled that backpack all day throughout the day. My goodness,
I even slept with that backpack the entire night. Well, if you can call it
sleep? Have you ever tried sleeping with a backpack? Right! I woke up and made
coffee with it on, carried it to my favorite chair, still had it on when I sat and
picked up my Bible and my journal. That’s when I found the baggage claim…

“Give it to me, my daughter…”

“Surely, I have borne your griefs and carried your sorrows (your mental afflictions, your shame)…”

Isaiah 53:4

(loose translation mine)

“OK, gladly!”

&&&&&&&&

(…there’s more to this story…)