This week IT happened…
I landed in what Max Lucado (author of Anxious for Nothing) calls the “anxietree.”
There I was, perched on a branch, letting little birds of thought land (in fact, they began building nests), causing no small measure of concern.
And, of course, here I am, right in the middle of studying fear, anxiety, worry, discouragement…
It was just a little trigger.
But, oh boy, did it grip my heart hard.
It’s August.
August is our board-mandated month to not travel in ministry.
I know this.
So, I procrastinated a little bit when it came to putting words on paper for the next three women’s retreats where I will be speaking.
I’ve researched.
I have lots of notes, thoughts, and ideas.
These bits and bobs just need to be sorted through and deposited into orderly sessions.
Three sessions for one retreat.
Four sessions for another.
Three for the next.
Ten messages total.
Then I looked at the August calendar.
It looks like this:
And my mind began to fill up with menus, preparations, grocery shopping, to-do-lists….a bunch of little STUFF….all “stuff” I love to do…
BUT,
That “stuff” started to crowd out the words I needed to write.
I don’t manage “full brain” as well as I once juggled that “stuff.”
Enter other-words.
Familiar words.
Words that always stop me in my tracks to speak discouragement.
Who do you think you are anyway?
You aren’t really qualified to speak at a retreat?
You certainly aren’t enough…
…not capable enough…
…not smart enough….
….not clever enough….
….not wise enough….
….not funny enough…
…not captivating enough….
…and, the list continued.
Suffice it to say there were plenty of words to condemn and to justify the condemnation.
Yes, for several hours, overwhelmed described me to a T!
So, I had to climb down from that “anxietree,” grab my notes, and put into practice what I’ve been learning.
To start, I quieted my heart, got alone with the Lord, a cup of coffee, my Bible, and a journal, rather than being tempted to pick up speed and tackle the to-do’s.
Contrary to how I felt, I sat down.
I listened to the fear (make this plural, fears, for there is no question that fears travel in packs).
I acknowledged some significant idolatry, and tore down those high altars, I’d erected (without question, confession is soul-and-mind-clearing).
Intentionally, I began to change my thinking.
The God who calls me is ENOUGH.
I don’t have to be capable, clever, funny, or even smart, because He is the One who lives in me, and I in Him…and, if He calls, He equips.
I, also, recognized who was really in control of my calendar, and handed it over.
The Lord-God is boss of each and every day.
I’m not responsible for the days ahead.
I’ve not been gifted, yet, with the grace I need for tomorrow, only for today – this minute, actually.
Tomorrow morning I will receive the manna I need to collect to care for the day in front of me.
Somewhere out of the archives of my mind, I remembered an Elisabeth Elliot quote I tucked away for such-a-time-as-this:
It’s exactly what one does when feeling overwhelmed and paralyzed.
Mrs. Elliot wasn’t referring to some big, important, earth-shaking duty; no, it’s the next ordinary-step that is right in front of us.
This is our true-calling!
Yes, God will take care of the month of August, one minute, one hour, one day at a time.
My best “yes” (thank you, Lysa Terkeurst, for this phrase) is simply the next perfectly ordained, ordinary step.
This kind of anxious-fear is eliminated slowly, gradually, progressively, one day at a time with the manna of grace God gives for this day only.
