Then Absalom her brother said to her, “Has Amnon your brother been with you? But now keep silent, my sister, he is your brother; do not take this matter to heart.”
2 Samuel 13:20
Once again, I wandered across this verse that’s a part of Tamar’s story of rape and desolation this week. It’s really not a story about rape. It’s a story about the desolation (great word) that is caused by something called “shame.” We don’t have to have been raped to experience shame. Shame is that niggling little voice inside of us that says, “I am bad.” “I am wrong.” “I am so stupid!” “I am unacceptable.” “I’m unforgivable.” “If only I _________.” That voice sounds as familiar as the people who fill our lives, or possibly, even as familiar as our own. Shame, most often is the result of words. Words that shut us up, and then, shut us down.
I mentioned, sometime back, that shame is one of the most crippling emotions with which we will ever live! It absolutely cages us, and like Tamar, ruins us. It’s one of the enemy’s biggest tools to quiet us, and to eliminate our effectiveness for the Kingdom of God. If the enemy can silence our story, he creates a hopelessness that says, “See, your God is nothing!” If he can silence our voice, we have no opportunity to bring hope and joy and healing to others. If he can stillbirth our words, how can we ever fulfill the purpose for which God birthed us: to bring glory to Himself? Oh, how wrong Absalom was to command his sister to silence. Oh, how hard-hearted to give a mandate she could not keep, and thus heaped more shame upon her with his words, “do not take this matter to heart.” Absalom spoke the words that quieted Tamar, but the enemy did his worst damage once they were spoken. That’s most often the way of shame.
What was Absalom thinking with those words? Of course, Tamar took the matter to heart! The act was so very personal. Every act that produces shame in us is personal! When it is, we take it to heart (I really want to slap my head right now, and say, “Duh!” out loud…ok, that’s done.) We live with our embarassment tucked away in darkness, stuffed in a box labeled “SHAME,” with the eyes of heart low, and our throats choked with words that want, no NEED, to come out. Yet, the world around us doesn’t know what to do with our vulnerability. Like Absalom, they don’t want to listen, and be uncomfortable; they just want it/us/them to go away. They want to fix life for us, rather than let us do the very thing that will bring healing: speak the words.
Sometimes, we don’t want to hear ourselves tell the story. It’s just so very hard! Sometimes, being vulnerable, for one reason or another, is so-not-easy. Probably we’re afraid, because the story is so very personal. It is “my” story, after all, and I think I ought to leave it that way. Besides, I hate all the other emotions that spill out when shame is let out of its box. So, the fear, also, compounds the messiness; and, of course, it creates more shame. “If only I were a better Christian.”
Ah, the complexity of shame! The Lord has been speaking to me for months about this complexity. About the need to be healed, and set free, of this damaging, crippling disease. I’ve even felt compelled to share some of my story, and have sensed the door cracking, and shame being released in little amounts (sometimes, when it’s been stuffed for years, we can only handle letting it out in doses). I keep being reminded that to tell my story, unashamedly, brings healing to myself, hope to others, and glory to Almighty God. I am not adventurous; I am not courageous; but, I am fixing my eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of my story. His is the only voice I want to hear. So, that desire is greater than the one that tells me to “keep silent…and do not take this matter to heart.”
The following link has fitting words that will set a soul free, and eliminate shame as we bring it into the light. However, it will also be one of the bravest things you will ever do…. Take a listen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dyAfjUHlFSM