After the shame debacle I
wrote about last week, I decided to take a deeper look into the backpack I so
often haul around. As I dug, I pulled out a lot of stuff… I thought that maybe
by examining what I put in there, I’d find a correlation, and, ultimately an
answer. A magic wand would be nice. I can’t tell you how often I’ve wished for
a magic wand that I could simply wave and “poof” the magic would appear – my
yuckiness would be fixed, marriages would be restored, children would be
obedient, cancer would disappear… However, I’ve learned by watching the TV
series, Once Upon a Time, that “Magic
always comes with a price, dearie.” I’m
not sure I’m willing to pay that price, so back to the digging and cleaning out
my backpack. Probably that’s the better of two evils…
wrote about last week, I decided to take a deeper look into the backpack I so
often haul around. As I dug, I pulled out a lot of stuff… I thought that maybe
by examining what I put in there, I’d find a correlation, and, ultimately an
answer. A magic wand would be nice. I can’t tell you how often I’ve wished for
a magic wand that I could simply wave and “poof” the magic would appear – my
yuckiness would be fixed, marriages would be restored, children would be
obedient, cancer would disappear… However, I’ve learned by watching the TV
series, Once Upon a Time, that “Magic
always comes with a price, dearie.” I’m
not sure I’m willing to pay that price, so back to the digging and cleaning out
my backpack. Probably that’s the better of two evils…
As I sort, I find several
things in common:
things in common:
All of it is heavy.
All of it makes me
uncomfortable.
uncomfortable.
All of it is very conflicting
& confusing.
& confusing.
Every item is destructive.
Every piece is corrosive
& eats away at the very part of me that thinks I can change and do better
(you see that’s the difference between shame and guilt – guilt is constructive
and propels us forward – not so, shame).
& eats away at the very part of me that thinks I can change and do better
(you see that’s the difference between shame and guilt – guilt is constructive
and propels us forward – not so, shame).
Everything I pull out is an
embarrassment (which readily becomes shame); so, I want to run and hide, and if
not able to do that, for sure I feel the need to self-protect.
embarrassment (which readily becomes shame); so, I want to run and hide, and if
not able to do that, for sure I feel the need to self-protect.
Those are the human responses
to the things I’ve placed inside…
to the things I’ve placed inside…
But where does everything in
that backpack come from? Who put it in there, really?
that backpack come from? Who put it in there, really?
That’s what is probably the
most obvious to me in a rational moment. At the time shame is consuming me,
however, it’s not quite so obvious.
most obvious to me in a rational moment. At the time shame is consuming me,
however, it’s not quite so obvious.
There’s a neuroscientist by
the name of David Eagleman. He has
written this statement, “There is an ongoing conversation among the
different factions in your brain, each competing to control the single
output of your behavior.” He
goes on to divide these factions into two warring parties between what we know
to be wise (something Solomon taught us in Proverbs) and our emotional
responses (something King David talked a lot about in the Psalms). Both parties battle for control of our
behavior (and what goes into the backpack), but when emotions are screaming the
loudest, they can tip the balance of our decision making EVERY TIME! Another author, Brene Brown, calls these warring
parties, Gremlin Voices.
the name of David Eagleman. He has
written this statement, “There is an ongoing conversation among the
different factions in your brain, each competing to control the single
output of your behavior.” He
goes on to divide these factions into two warring parties between what we know
to be wise (something Solomon taught us in Proverbs) and our emotional
responses (something King David talked a lot about in the Psalms). Both parties battle for control of our
behavior (and what goes into the backpack), but when emotions are screaming the
loudest, they can tip the balance of our decision making EVERY TIME! Another author, Brene Brown, calls these warring
parties, Gremlin Voices.
Answer to the above question:
I.PUT.THE.SHAME.INSIDE. There’s no pointing fingers elsewhere!
I.PUT.THE.SHAME.INSIDE. There’s no pointing fingers elsewhere!
It’s good to know these
things. It’s good to have a background. Here’s why – when I’m consumed with the
stuff I’m hauling around in the backpack, I forget the WISDOM. Wisdom scampers
to a corner, and the little emotions take control. I don’t want to be ruled by
emotions. I want to choose wisdom. So, if I can learn to recognize what’s
happening quicker (because I’m more educated), I won’t put one more thing in
that ridiculous backpack. I give it to the Lord so He can redeem my mistakes.
things. It’s good to have a background. Here’s why – when I’m consumed with the
stuff I’m hauling around in the backpack, I forget the WISDOM. Wisdom scampers
to a corner, and the little emotions take control. I don’t want to be ruled by
emotions. I want to choose wisdom. So, if I can learn to recognize what’s
happening quicker (because I’m more educated), I won’t put one more thing in
that ridiculous backpack. I give it to the Lord so He can redeem my mistakes.
The question now becomes,
how: how do I quit hoarding shame?
how: how do I quit hoarding shame?
As soon as I jotted that
question down in my journal, I thought of this verse in Hebrews 12: 2 – Jesus scorned
the shame.
question down in my journal, I thought of this verse in Hebrews 12: 2 – Jesus scorned
the shame.
That tells me, Jesus knew
shame, too. He felt it. He wrestled with it. He was tempted to throw it in a
backpack and haul it with Him up Calvary.
BUT JESUS didn’t. He scorned
it. He took control over the warring parties in His brain. Those Gremlin Voices never had a chance to
speak up, because Jesus chose to not listen to them. Shame never had a chance
to go anywhere with Him.
shame, too. He felt it. He wrestled with it. He was tempted to throw it in a
backpack and haul it with Him up Calvary.
BUT JESUS didn’t. He scorned
it. He took control over the warring parties in His brain. Those Gremlin Voices never had a chance to
speak up, because Jesus chose to not listen to them. Shame never had a chance
to go anywhere with Him.
Now that is something to
ponder…
ponder…
(so come back…I’ve discovered
MORE!)
MORE!)
