Every time we cross, yet another bridge into a new-normal, there are growing pains, uncomfortable learning curves, and (I’ll say it again) mourning…
Four years after we returned from Kenya, we drove our oldest to Phoenix, AZ and dropped her off for college.
I thought I was prepared for this.
I’d shed many a tear over our graduating dorm sons throughout our years at Rift Valley Academy.
I’d dearly loved those boys and would miss them…
But, NOTHING prepares you for sending your first-born off to University.
The school she’d chosen (our alma mater) felt like home to her, and we had family living in the area were she to have any needs arise;
…BUT, for goodness sake, it was an 8 1/2-hour drive away from us.
There would be no weekend runs home to do laundry.
There would be no quick holiday visits.
Cell phones weren’t “a thing” back then…when we spoke to her, it was from a “community” phone in the dorm, and one could not have a deep conversation, not by any means.
There was no such thing as FaceTime, FaceBook, Skype, Zoom, or whatever platform is your current favorite…
From the moment we arrived on campus, and began the admissions preparation and welcoming events, I rebuked myself over and over for not forcing her to do college-via-video (no, online wasn’t even a thought in anyone’s imagination)…
Couldn’t we have just duct-taped her to a wall and kept her home a bit longer?
The weekend flew past in a whirlwind of stuff…
All of a sudden, it was Sunday morning…
We’d go to church together, eat lunch together, then say our good-byes in the parking lot, and head home to Colorado.
That morning, the pastor (our former pastor) preached a message “for the incoming freshmen.”
Of course, it was for the parents, as well.
Our pastor spoke on Genesis 12:1-4a:
That was a good word for all of us.
I don’t remember all of our pastor’s points, but this was the main premise:
Leaving, losing, and letting go are a natural part of the rhythm of life. We, the parents, had raised our daughter to the best of our ability, for this moment… We had taught her what it looked like to “adult,” and the Lord was assuring us that He would continue to lead her to the “where,” and He was asking, once more, as He’d done throughout her life, to TRUST HIM.
This part of the story of Abraham’s life has a lot of reminders for those of us in new-beginnings, new-normals, in process of “becoming green” (read the previous post) even amidst the HARD, but this is the main one I want to highlight:
By letting her leave, I was allowing her to receive all God had planned for her from the beginning of time.
Getting into our car to travel home that Sunday afternoon was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
She stood on the sidewalk sobbing.
I got in the car sobbing.
It was quiet for miles and miles, turning into hours.
Until…
We stopped for fuel.
I picked up a Resse’s peanut-butter cup (my go-to anti-depressant in a chocolate bar)…and some more tissues to wipe away the tears…
As we headed out, we stuck in a CD with a message someone had given us, Christian comedian/preacher/singer/song-writer, Ken Davis, preaching a message titled, “Super Sheep.”
The message was great…BUT…the laughter it brought out in both my husband and I was far greater.
With emotions so raw, I literally laughed crying…
…and, the healing began!
By the time we returned home, placed a call to our girl, she was all settled in, laughing with her new roommates, enjoying dorm life, and was perfectly content…
My mama’s heart felt RELIEF!
But, the relief came throughout the trip in a number of stages; and, of course, God wastes nothing…
Years and years later I found myself as a Dean of Women on a Christian college campus, speaking to the parents of incoming freshmen in a workshop we titled, “Issues and Tissues,” sharing this story (along with the issues that come with not “letting go” – the repercussions on college students, if, instead of letting them leave and receive, you become helicopter parents, karaoke-parents, dry-cleaner parents, commando parents…along with other parent-types, which you can google).
I always made certain to give each parent a “Letting Go Care Kit.”
So, #4 Tip for dealing with the Grief of Loss and Transition is that we all need a:
I wish I could make one for you (but you’ll have to make one for yourself)…
Each kit needs these items:
1) Tissues — for the grieving. In order to “heal,” we must first “feel”….
2) A laminated card with YouTube links that would bring a huge hefty dose of healing laughter, including the “Super-Sheep” message (and, if you’ve never listened to Tim Hawkins on YouTube, he is a must, so here’s a link to his channel):
3) Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups (a pharmacy of them, because chocolate is always a good idea! & I do have scientific theory as to why Reese’s are the perfect “anti-depressant”)…
4) A framed calligraphy piece with this GOOD WORD from the LORD (Genesis 12:1-4a) and these words:
For those of us in the letting go of COVID-19, or whatever is causing your transition and loss, this is better re-stated:
So, go make yourself a “letting go care kit”…
Celebrate the good of what you are leaving behind…
Mourn the loss….
Embrace the now…
And, open your heart to all God has purposed for you in this new season of being green!!!!
And, P.S. By the time we saw our girl for the first time at Christmas after dropping her off, we met a new woman. She had grown more confident, deeper in her faith, and more in love with Jesus. Letting go was reaping it’s promise…