Each night, now, for the last week and a half, I’ve been practicing the prayer of examen. It’s been an eye opener for me in many ways regarding what’s going on inside my heart. Definitely, it’s doing what it’s intended, and reminding me of just how lost I’d be without Jesus. As a result, gratitude swells even greater as I make my way toward celebration of the crucifixion and resurrection of my Savior. Over the next remaining days and weeks, I’ll share some of the insights the Lord has shown me. However, before I can invite you to join me on this Lenten Journey, I must share a little background.
I have taken to walking through each aspect of my day, almost as if I’m walking down a timeline of events. Then, almost without thinking, I grab a hold of one particular situation, and that becomes my focal point. One night, as I was starting this process, the events of the day began whipping by a bit too fast. Out of the blue, I said to myself (in my head so I wouldn’t wake up my already sleeping husband), “Whoa! Slow this train down!” That’s when it dawned on me that each event was like a specific car of a train passing by, and every now and then, I’d grab hold of a certain car and jump on for the ride. In fact, I’m a bit like a hobo carrying my kerchief knapsack on the end, and once on, I settle down, open up the knapsack, and take out my possessions, making myself at home for the time being.
I’ve decided some train cars are better left un-boarded. Some are truly toxic, poisonous to my mind, and therefore, my soul. These cars are filled with lies that cause me to wallow in self-pity, or suspicion. Some make me critical – of myself, of others. Some feed negativity, worry, doubt. These cars are more frequented than any other. One night, while I was particularly in a wallowing funk (you know the place: the one that leads to discouragement, shame, despair…), I heard the still, small voice of the Lord say, “Get off! This is not a place for you to be tonight. You have the power to choose a better place to spend your time in a more productive place…” So, while this is revealing about me, that I tend to always go to those kinds of places, there are other things more worthy of evaluation. Other train cars that are more productive to my soul and my character than the places I tend to mentally frequent. I must stay off the cars that carry the hazardous waste…
I have to laugh. Those of you who have read Veronica Roth’s, Divergent series, will get this. This, once Abnegation gal, has, for the time being, become Dauntless… Just saying that makes me feel more empowered. Nope…I still won’t get a tattoo…