Jesus calls us to be followers, learners, stumblers-along-the-journey-toward-heaven-and-perfection. He knows we won’t do following perfectly. He knows we’ll be messy all along the road. So, he tells us to practice. Train for righteous-living while we’re on earth. Allow ourselves to be taught, rebuked, corrected, and then “discipline ourselves for the purpose of godliness.” He wants us to become imitators, so we can be imitated. That’s a huge responsibility. One I’m taking more and more seriously….especially, as I start reading the first four topics Jesus asks us to engage in our practice. He couldn’t have picked four any harder: money, prayer, forgiveness, and fasting. I love you, Jesus, but couldn’t you have picked a few other topics (oh, maybe something like, the importance of singing praises, or giving encouragement, or, I know, take people out for coffee to talk about life…). As I start untying the bow, and unwrapping the package of these four areas of righteousness-practice, I find myself shifting in my chair…a lot. They are uncomfortable for me.
I’ve already struggled my way through the money thing. Now, I’ve just but glimpsed at prayer. I’m NOT GOOD AT PRAYER! Not in any way. Oh, I pray. Yet, I’m easily, easily distracted. Other things pop into my head. I chase rabbits. I get off topic. I lose myself in my “Get To Do Today” List. When it comes to prayer, if Jesus were to give me a grade, I would fail. If I prayed as good as the books I’ve read on prayer teach, I’d have a doctorate in prayer. I’ve written papers on prayer. In fact, for one of my masters classes in seminary, I had to write a paper titled, The Apostle Paul’s Theology of Prayer. It was something like 32 pages long. I can teach on prayer. While prayer is itself a simple task, it is one of the hardest disciplines (can I use that word?) of the Christian life (according to me). I’ve tried all the tricks. I write out my prayers. I keep a prayer journal by topic. I focus on one category every day (Monday: Missionaries. Tuesday: Family. Wednesday: Country…well, you get it). I pray breath prayers. I’ve followed the ACTS outline. I have a prayer list I keep in my phone under REMINDERS. I’ve even asked Siri to help me remember some things I need to add to my prayer list. MY WANT to pray is BIG. My actual ability is small.
Oh, wait! It just dawned on me, wasn’t that also true of Jesus’ disciples? Didn’t he take his three closest followers into the Garden to pray on the night he was betrayed? While he labored in prayer, didn’t they fall asleep (yes, I’ve done that, too!)? Three times, didn’t he come back to them and find them still sleeping? Here he was, deeply grieved and distressed to the point of death, and all he asked was for them to keep a prayer vigil. His response, “Could you not keep watch with Me for one hour? Keep watching and praying…the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” (Matthew 26:40-41) Oh, bless his sacrificial, surrendered heart! In spite of their ability, in fact, in the face of their disability, Jesus still committed his will to the Father’s, and died for the weakness of our flesh.
I find encouragement in this passage. Even Jesus’ closest friends had a prayer-disability. I do too! I have a diagnosis for my prayer-problem; it’s a disability. As long as I wear this tent of flesh, I will struggle with prayer. Hence, the need to keep practicing. It’s not about finding the right trick that clicks. It’s about a weak flesh that needs strengthening. If I give up, my flesh muscles will completely atrophy. So, I press on…I keep praying. The only hope for me is to keep my spirit willing and persistently stay the course. In fact, Jesus knew I’d struggle. So, he died. He rose. He ascended into heaven to sit at the right hand of the Father. There, next to his Abba, he whispers my prayer into his Daddy’s ear.
I don’t know about you, but I’m sitting easier in my chair. Thank you, sweet Spirit of the Living Lord!