It takes me a while to work through the stuff in my life that is particularly messy. Even longer, then, to write about it. However, if those of you faithful enough to read this blog can benefit from my processing, and my vulnerability, then WAHOO! It’s worth it.
Here’s the stuff of what last week’s post was all about. Let’s review the passage that was key:
“This is my dearly loved child, whom I regard with strong affection, and in whom I take great pleasure!” Words of God, the Father, to Jesus, as the heavens opened and the Holy Spirit rested upon him following Jesus’ baptism (Matthew 3:17).
I frequently need reminders just like this one; reminders that I am loved and that the Lord is pleased with me as I am. Just as I am. You see, I struggle at times with wanting to be what someone else is. I know I’m not alone; we all do this at one time or another to some degree. But combine that particular “want to” with my personal insecurities and the “gremlin voices of shame,” the “record of negativity,” and the “wallpaper of lies” glued in my brain, really start to cripple me. I go back to the never-quite-good-enough, or how-can-I-be-of-any-use programming that has plagued me since my salvation. What a broken record! I truly wish I could smash the thing once and for all!
As I’ve spent the last few weeks preparing for a few upcoming women’s retreats, pulling the puzzle pieces and the big ideas together, and while listening to other speakers, reading other books and blogs, off I go again. That’s when the Lord gave me Matthew 3:17. He knew I needed to remember the message. He knew I needed to reflect on agapetos = me! So, there I sat, pondering and storing the truth of those words, all the while fearing that if I walked away from them I would quickly forget…and I did.
Another blog, another message, and there I sat condemning myself for how far I fall short of perfection. Sigh. You know the drill. Example: there I am reading encouraging words that the Lord has placed on someone else’s heart & I start to think how my blog may get 22 hits in a day compared to the thousands of this one or that; and, before I knew it, I was sinking in a heap of melted hopelessness. 😀
…until I went back to Matthew 3:17 and read again agapetos eudokeo. “Beloved, I am pleased.” Once more I soaked in the words: Me in Him, beloved! Me + Jesus – a delight.
…until I remembered I’ve been issued a calling. It’s a simple one. It’s not to masses, but to a Savior who has a message he wants spoken…by anyone.
…until I listened to another message by a messenger speaking to other speakers. His #1 point: JUST BE YOU!! Be confident that only you can “do” you. No one can “do” you better!
…and then my little feathered friend of hope soared high and my Christ-identity started becoming reality once more.
God cares, about the gremlin voices. He does. He wants to help me smash all the broken records that I keep allowing myself to listen to again and again. Want to join me in a record breaking party?
