Last week, when I mentioned Ebola-hard, it wasn’t my intention to invalidate any other hard. There are all kinds of hard. Here are other descriptors for HARD: Divorce-hard; Rebellious-child-hard; Cancer-hard; Murder-hard; Rape-hard; Spousal-abuse-hard; Child-abuse-hard; Car-accident-hard; Recovery-hard; Military-deployment-hard; Pregnant-Out-of-Wedlock-hard; Sick-child-hard; Not-Enough-Money-to-Pay-the-Bills-hard; Time-crunch-hard; Out-of-Work-hard; Break-in-hard; Robbery-hard; Car-jacking-hard; Beheading-hard; Persecution-hard; Imprisoned-hard; _________________(fill in the blank)-hard… Hard is hard. Life is made up of peaceful moments, when we can catch our breath; and hard moments that take our breath away (and we have to be reminded to breathe!).
All of life’s hard moments catch us off guard; and, our ability to deal with them when they occur feels inadequate. This is how I measure STRESS/HARD/TRAUMA. In fact, here’s a little scale to measure your stress:
The difficulty of my experience (on a scale of -10 to +10 with -10 being harder than I could ever imagine/my worst nightmare come true, & +10 being a piece of cake/I can breeze through this) + the availability of my resources to cope (also on a scale of -10 to +10) = my HARD.
How I measure my STRESS is entirely personal. I can’t relate to yours; you can’t relate to mine. That was the thing about Ebola-hard, it came as a surprise; hitting in an unexpected force. The resources to manage it were also inadequate (culturally, academically/mentally, occupationally, environmentally, spiritually, emotionally, socially, physically). Ebola was HARD just waiting to happen. But, so is every other kind of HARD…
What do we do, then, on the other side of HARD (both sides)? I think it’s worth taking a look at how we can be proactive for those times when HARD hits, so that the richter scale doesn’t take a -20 nose dive, causing my world to cave in, crumble, and leave huge faults. Now then, keep in mind, there’s no way to predict the measure of our hard. As I have already said, just by virtue of the description, difficulty & suffering always catch us off guard. Yet, we can keep a few things handy, that can help us in the time of need. Most of these are fairly simple. Let’s look at the “before side of hard.”
Expect hardship. The Psalmist warns us that our Good Shepherd will lead us through the valley of the shadow of death (Psalm 23:4). Paul (the Apostle) & James (the Brother of Jesus) also warn us there will be trials (Romans 5:3-5 & James 1:2-4). Peter (the Disciple) tells us not to be surprised/caught of guard when trials hit (1 Peter 4:12).
Know that our suffering is for a season. Peter calls that season “a little while,” though while we’re in the midst it “feels” like forever! Yet in the scope of our eternity, yes, it is a little while (1 Peter 5:10). The thing to keep in mind is that there will be an end to our hard.
God gives us grace to breathe in the midst and equips us with His divine power for the need of the moment (2 Peter 1:3). This reminds me, in the middle of trials, learn how to breathe. Our heart rates tend to sky rocket, causing all manners of physical ailments in the middle of trials – learn to take some deep breaths randomly though out the day, just to settle your heart, and stay physically well.
Remember that all trials produce in us a post-traumatic-growth. Paul says so, James says so, Peter says so, Jesus says so, I am taking that to the bank. My favorite verse with this in mind is 1 Peter 5:10…I’m counting on my hardships to do this in me: “perfect, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.”
Maintain a close community. God never intended for us to isolate. He intended that his children would be a family, and do life together. It’s why we can’t “forsake the assembling of believers,” however that looks for you. We need each other: encouragement to persevere, to remain steadfast, to maintain perspective, to pray for one another, to be hospitable and care for each other when times are tough, and there isn’t energy to fix a meal, or clean house, or do laundry. We need to have safe places to vent, to emote, to be our messy selves without condemnation or fixing. It was never good for man to be alone…
Educate yourself in whatever form of STRESS you are experiencing. Nothing is as difficult or scary once there is some understanding.
Take mini-vacations to lay down beside those still waters and have your soul refreshed.
Feed yourself in healthy ways…but most of all in spiritual ways. Don’t neglect any form of FOOD.
Develop your own theology of suffering… You undoubtedly already have one (whether you think you do, or not); but is it the right one?
I’ve known trial and pain. I’ve known fear and uncertainty. I’ve experienced the grip of anxiety. I, too, get hard. Experience has taught me some of the above. I’m a little better prepared for next time. Here’s what I understand most: When I’ve suffered for whatever season God calls me to, when I go through the fire, He will be THERE (just as He has been every other time), and when I come out I will more purified than ever before. I won’t want to ever repeat what I’ve experienced, but I WILL BE THANKFUL for it.
This is TRUTH. These are the perspectacles I will wear…EVERY TIME!