One of the reminders for me,
while in Cuba, of which I really needed an elbow-nudging from the Lord, related
to my passion for teaching. As I mentioned last week, it meant a
lot to hear women (and women from a whole different culture) speak such encouraging words. As a result, I was reminded how much I love to teach. Sometimes, that love gets lost in the
day-to-day of chores and research, and, sometimes, I wonder if I really do love
it, or if there is another motivation for standing behind a microphone. I am quite aware of my limitations, the
inabilities I possess. I don’t speak to
large crowds, and I wouldn’t want to! I
appreciate looking into the eyes of the women I stand in front of and connecting with
their hearts. I am not a dynamic
speaker, and would never claim to be; I
am just a story-sharer: a truth-teller. The same goes with the way I write. I just speak, or put-on-paper, what I know
has been true for me. If it works for
someone else, hallelujah! Yet, over the past
weeks, I have whispered a prayer in my heart, so quiet, I’ve not been sure it
is even worthy of being labeled a prayer.
It’s probably been so soft, because I haven’t been certain I wanted to
know the answer. Buried deep inside the
prayer-whisper has been a core of insecurity padded by the question of my
purpose-on-earth, my kingdom-purpose.
Not in a morbid way, but simply in a “what-am-I-doing-now” sort of
way. Ah, “but, God!” One of the richest blessings of life, as
sweet as any chocolate-truffle (and truffles are definitely my favorite!), is when God answers a whisper-prayer, even if it
has never crossed my lips. Not only did
he answer it; but, also, he knew it would be asked, and he answered it, more
than 2000 years ago! This morning I sit
in awe! What a Papa!
could boil down to two questions: 1) Lord, am I still your vessel, your
mouthpiece? Do you still want to use me
to teach other women? 2) Am I still to
use my fingers to type up a written message?
Is a blog useful to you? Is my
motivation sincere? These are important
questions for me. As I mentioned, they
sit at the insecure core of my heart. Years ago,
I was challenged by another speaker-friend to consider my mission statement. His words were to write out what I thought
was my calling in one sentence. His
challenge was to make that sentence precise enough it could be written on a
matchbook cover. I took the
challenge. In my contemplation, I took
into account what I loved to do, what my spiritual gifts were, a “dream” God
seemed to have planted in my heart, Scripture verses that had come alive and
seemed to be “mine” to own. As I
filtered through all of that, I had written my mission statement: to disciple women through the written or
spoken word. That’s what I’ve been doing ever since. It makes it easier to say “NO” to those
things that don’t fit, where I would just be expending
energy, but not being effective for the Kingdom. So, my unspoken question of
the heart was critical – how it would be answered could change EVERYTHING.
the audience size, or even what the audience thinks, but am I doing what I am passionate about? It doesn’t matter whether I think
I’m being effective or not, but he had, also, assured me through those precious ladies
that he will not let his word EVER return void.
Then this morning, out of the blue, I read an obscure verse, in the
middle of Matthew, that became mine-to-own, a verse written over 2000 years
ago! After speaking to his disciples in
parables, Jesus asked them if they understood what he was teaching.
“Yes!” they had replied. Then he
said this (I am writing it the way I “heard” it, but it doesn’t change the
integrity of the Word):
has become a disciple, a student who enrolls himself under a teacher with the
purpose of instructing others, is like a head of a household, who brings forth
out of his treasure things old and new to be used to multiply the kingdom.
masterful teacher (Jesus). I love to teach. I have been given a treasure (the Word of
God). Jesus’ “therefore” is for
me! One-on-one; one-on-seventy;
one-on-seven hundred, it does not matter!
I have been called as a “head of a household” of faith. Not to teach irrelevant babble (2 Tim 2:23)
that leads to further ungodliness; but to handle the Word correctly; to be a
vessel of honor, sanctified and, yes, useful to the Master (2 Timothy
2:20-21). In my own little way, I am
still called-out for the same purpose…and my only responsibility is to be
obedient and faithful in persevering.
reading: What’s your calling? Are you
still living in it in spite of whether or not it feels like you are being a
useful vessel? God needs hands, feet,
voices, eyes, ears, and hearts in a multitude of ways. Once he issues the call, it appears it stays
much the same to the end, perhaps with just a tweaking or two. May you be encouraged, from one “wonderer” to
another, just to keep living out your mission, in spite of the whisper-questions of
your heart!